Birdie's Endless Flight

Well guys, I have to say its been a wild ride in the least. My world changed quite a bit from my last blog entry. So I will try to catch you up on whats happened.

My last blog was about the shennany’s I had to deal with post second surgery. Since then I have had 3 additional reconstructions which I will write about individually.

I met a guy beginning of July. This guy was different. Sweet, empathetic, didn’t judge me or make me feel like a freak. And for some reason, no matter how hard I tried to avoid getting involved, I basically couldn’t get rid of him. He grew on me and somehow convinced me to jump in, blind, without better judgement of course.

Summer was a romantic whirlwind. Road trips to his small town, a week out at Sylvan Lake for my twin sisters stagette, my best friend arrives from Australia for a month and next thing you know its my twins wedding.

You don’t really realize how much a mastectomy affects everything until you have to get sized multiple times because your boobs change in size and then you get nipples and everything changes. Not only did my chest side keep changing, but so did my weight.

Let me back up a little. I started working at a Medispa in May. Everything seemed to be going perfectly. My boss adored me. I got special treatment. She gave me $600 Italian shoes, discounts on products etc. And then things started to change. She started getting on me about my weight and I was already under my own pressure for gaining weight but then I had someone else commenting on it daily. Was I really that bad?

Apparently. She wrote me a prescription for HCG which is well know as the “HCG Diet Controversy”. By now you’ve probably heard about it: the HCG Diet, an extreme diet that involves injections of HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin). HCG is the hormone women make when they are pregnant. Previously, the HCG Diet was defined by a 500-calorie diet paired with daily injections of HCG.  Proponents claim regular injection of human chorionic gonadotropin—a hormone that women produce during pregnancy and that is sometimes prescribed as a fertility treatment—speeds metabolism and breaks down the body’s stored fat, allowing dieters to get by on 500 calories a day without the hunger and health risks that accompany other starvation diets.

So here I am, injecting myself daily with a needle, starving myself, all to please someone else. Did it work? Nope. Being on the HCG diet—just like any seriously low-cal diet—lowers your metabolism and results in serious muscle loss. And while starving yourself for a week may yield short-term weight loss, over the long haul, you are more likely to gain weight from trying the HCG diet than anything.

Sure I looked great but it didn’t end there. I was then put on Oxytocin.

Remember way back in high school when you just started pairing up with a new guy or gal – kinda made you feel sick to your stomach to be around them but at the same time felt “SO GREAT”?!!

Yup, those were the days…and, well…that was hormones.

Oxytocin, or better known as the “Love Hormone”, is responsible for those crazy, wonderful, care free feelings associated with young love. Oxytocin is released when people snuggle, kiss and make love!

Well, what has all that got to do with weight loss? It is believed that Oxytocin can help regulate weight by reducing cravings and binge urges, lowering appetite, and speeding up metabolism.

Here I am, injecting, snorting and starving. Repeat, repeat, repeat. I started to look much better and feeling good, but my boyfriend couldn’t understand why I was using these products and encouraged me to stop. He didn’t think it was healthy that I was on both of these prescriptions, or that my boss was prescribing them to me.

Fast forward 3 months, I had stopped using the product and noticed the weight started to come back. It didn’t matter if I worked out or ate clean, I felt like a fat slob and my self esteem started to dwindle drastically and so did my love and drive for my job. It seemed like the only way my boss would be happy with my appearance, was only if I weighed 100lbs soaking wet and then she started to harp on me about my face.

I came into work one day and was immediately pulled into her room. There was a vitamin water sitting there and a pill. She opened the bottle and handled me the pill and said to take it. I was confused, but for some crazy reason I trusted this nut-job. She had handed me Adderall. Are you FKN kidding me? First off, who gives there employee Adderall, who tells them they need to concentrate more and then drugs them, and thirdly, I have severe PTSD and Anxiety. What the actual FK was this doctor thinking. I didn’t have ADHD. I had anxiety because i was being emotionally and verbally abused daily about my body and my looks.

If your shocked now. Just wait.

So fast forward a week after this. She starts blaming me for her screw ups and her inability to manage her AHC patients and her paying spa clientele. So then what does she say to me? “You need to buy the complete Environ Youth Essentia Line and if you want to stay employed here, you need botox all over your face and filler in your lips”.

HOLD THE FUCK ON. Sure, fine, maybe I could lose a few lbs. But to tell me I need to permanently change my face to appease you? Get fucked. Thats a serious hell no. I have nothing against botox or filler, but if I want them done it will be my choice and at my discretion. I’m sure you can imagine how well our relationship went after this.

I heard from my surgeon a few weeks post this bs discussion and was told she would be scheduling me for another reconstruction to help with the indents, rippling and cave-ins that I continued to have. So I got my surgery date for November 9th. This surgery was going to entail liposuction from my abdomen and tissue transfer, into my chest. Yay, a light at the end of the tunnel. My boss will be happy ill lose weight for free and she can no longer bitch.

Wrong. When I told her I needed at least 3 weeks off for recovery she turned into satan. Accused me of giving patient records over the phone and giving out medical advise. Claimed she would take me to court over it. And then posted my job online and had women come in, come to the front desk and tell me specifically they were there for an interview for my position.

I lost it. I started to cry uncontrollably and shake. My co-worker just hugged me and cried with me. We couldn’t believe the extent this woman went to, to destroy the remaining dignity I had left. I walked out that day. I drove straight to my family doctors, full blown panic attack and was put on a 1 month minimum stress leave.

So legally you cannot be dismissed while on medical leave. But they decided it would be appropriate to call me in to the office and “terminate” my employment on the evening of November 8th.

As if I didn’t have enough to stress about. At the same time this was all going on, my so called friend and landlord decided she wanted me to pay more month for rent each month, even though she had occupied the storage unit for the entirety of my lease and we had to go and pay $200 a month for off site storage, so I was already paying more than I should have. So i lose my job, have surgery and had to move out of my condo. FKN FANTASTIC.

So my boyfriend and I decided to move me to Cold Lake (worst decision ever). I moved to Cold Lake 4 days after my surgery. Drove 7 hours in a winter storm. Had all my possessions and my puppers with me. I was set. I was able to secure a job there and all would be well.

Well I was wrong. I always am.

But I’ll leave that story for the next time.

Cheers for now,

Birdy